Self Touch During Covid-19 Quarantine
Whether we’re married or unmarried, have roommates or live alone, we’re all going to be feeling the effects of being quarantined the next few weeks (or months). We’re going to feel it financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It’s going to refine us and come out sideways at times. It’s going to result in some beautiful things and some heartbreaking things. It won’t be all bad or all good for any one person. We have a global opportunity for patience right now, for kindness to ourselves and others, gentleness with others and ourselves, and more. More than ever before, we’re going to have to fight to not check the Holy Spirit at the door and give our homes the worst of ourselves.
Of course it’s the body that’s most on my mind during these days. I don’t want to belabor the cost of releasing a book on touch right before a global pandemic, nor do I want to undervalue it. As we, in a sense, fast from touch, it can teach us as all fasts do, about our humanity and body and God.
In the chapter on self-touch in Handle With Care, I write,
“Seeing our bodies as good gifts from God means providing the care they need on a daily basis. This requires touching the body as it is—broken, sagging, wrinkled, freckled, imperfect, love-handled, low libidoed, or stretch-marked. The touching of my body by me reminds me of myself and reminds me of God. This personal touch proves my well-being is far more complex and holistic than simply physical health. I need to “feel my substance,” as Bessel van der Kolk said. I need to remember I am a real body created by a real God and my body has real problems that won’t be really solved until I’m face to face with Him. Touch of self communicates that to us. It reminds us of our own humanity, limitation, and dependence on God. And it points us to the glory of the resurrection awaiting us.
When I stand in front of a mirror massaging moisturizer around the dark circles under my eyes, I am reminded I need to sleep more, or at least get better sleep, because God gives his beloved rest. If I were to stand in front of the mirror in the morning berating myself for the dark circles and avoid touching the cream to my face, not thanking God for sleep or asking him for better sleep, but instead looking to makeup and Botox and tanning beds to mask my need for rest, I would not be caring for the body I have, but some future version of it I want. Something as simple as touching my own face with moisturizer can lead me toward God or away from him.”
It’s going to be very tempting for the foreseeable future to neglect the care of our bodies and, particularly for those who live alone or who are immunocompromised, to feel untouched by others. It will be absolutely necessary for so many reasons, physiologically, emotionally, neuro-biologically, cognitively, and physically, for us to care for the bodies we have with our own hands.
. . .
Especially if you live alone or are abstaining from the touch of others, here are some ways you can help your whole body function as best as it can apart from others. These are also good for all of us to be doing right now as well.
Take baths or soak your feet. The warm water will envelop you. Use a textured cloth or scrub on your whole body to invigorate your blood and release endorphins. Our bodies will be holding onto extra stress and anxiety right now, more than normal, we’re going to need to go above and beyond our normal protocols.
Take extra time massaging lotion or oils or balms into your skin—men too! Men need this just as much as women.
Give yourself a hug. Don’t laugh. It’s a proven way to release stress and calm your nervous system. Cross your arms across your chest, holding onto your upper arms, and one at a time squeeze your arms in a pulsing manner. It will help make connections in your brain in healthy ways.
Even though you won’t be able to give your back a massage, you can massage your arms, legs, fingers, and feet. It’s not the same, I know, but it will help.
Move your body. Get a Yoga Abbey membership, take a walk (practicing social distancing), crank up your music and have a dance party by yourself.
PS, now would be a great time to adopt the pet you’ve been thinking about forever. Pets aren’t people, but their bodies act in similar calming ways to humans. (Note: don’t do this on impulse, but if it’s something you’ve been waiting for until you had time to house-train, now’s your chance!)
If you live with others, you should do all of the above, and also:
Give a real hug. Spell out the word E-N-D-O-R-P-H-I-N in your head while you hug tightly, or count to nine. That’s about the time it takes for the effects of being hugged to happen. If you never hug your roommates, now’s the time to start— and not just the one you like best, hug ‘em all.
Let your kids co-sleep if you can bear it. We adults aren’t the only ones who will be feeling anxious, they will too. Assure them you are here and in it with them by making space for them near you.
If you’re married and sex isn’t painful or harmful, have at it. I’m the first person to say sex is not the pinnacle of the human experience and shouldn’t have unnecessary emphasis placed on it, but if you’re married, sex can be a gift. Life is going to slow down for a lot of us, so have at it.
Give and ask for a shoulder rub or foot rub. These things will help alleviate a heap of anxiety for a lot of us (though not all of us).
. . .
None of these things will fix all that’s wrong in the world right now, not at all. But each of them will help us remember both our fragility and our dignity. We humans are worth being cared for, even by our own hands (if you want to hear more about what I think the Bible has to say about this theologically, buy Handle With Care). We are worth being nourished and cared for, even as we nourish and care for others (Ephesians 5:29). We are worth loving ourselves as we do our neighbors (Mark 12:30). We are worth caring for our bodies even as we deny our bodies (Matthew 6:17).
Even as we practice caring for the bodies of our friends and neighbors in the next weeks by keeping apart, let’s care for our own bodies by coming even closer.
