Paul Matthies: Unmarried Church Elder

Paul is a elder at his church in central Texas, and a former pastor from my church. Over the past few years I have come to appreciate his humor, wisdom, and humility. Many at my local church have been deeply affected by Paul's sermons and example of godliness. You can find him on twitter @paul_matties and read him regularly at Wayfaring Stranger.   

1. Do you feel a certain call to remain single or do you have a desire to be married? Why?

I’m honestly not certain if I have a call to lifelong singleness. Do I have a desire to be married? Yes. However, that desire waxes and wanes. Regardless, I want to be committed to the gospel ministry above all else, right now.

A friend once shared this piece of advice: “Run after Jesus with all you are. Then, one day, you may look up and see a woman beside you running on the same path. But regardless of if that day comes, you gain Christ in the end, whether she comes or not.” I see that as very helpful—pursue Jesus! If He doesn’t give a spouse—you still get Him. And if she comes, yet she passes away—you are still grounded in Him.

2. How are you serving the local church and the Kingdom with your portion of singleness?

Singleness has afforded me opportunity. I’ve been privileged to serve the Lord in the city (as an associate pastor at The Village Church) and in the countryside (as an elder at my current church, Hilltop Christian Fellowship). No matter what, in all times and places—God is the same loving, gracious, powerful, sovereign God. I’ve got to see that firsthand over the years.

Singleness has given me certain flexibility. I now work full-time as a claims examiner for an insurance company, so I can also fill in as interim preacher and leader here, at little cost to my church as we face a tough financial year. At my church, I also serve as an elder, adult classroom teacher, substitute youth teacher, song leader, and more.

Singleness has also offered me greater accessibility. I do have many responsibilities to juggle, between work, church, personal, family, etc. However, I can prioritize and arrange my schedule at more of a moment’s notice.

3. Talk about the process of wrestling, either in the past or continued, with your portion of singleness. What contributed to your confidence in Christ in this season?

One of the best questions I’ve even been posed came from my friend and pastor at The Village Church, Matt Chandler. He said in a message that, no matter what portion we’ve been given, we should ask: “What does it look like to glorify God in this season?” For me, the wrestle begins and ends with that question: How do I bring glory to God in my singleness? I gain confidence when I live within my intended purpose—to bring God glory.

At least eight times in scripture, suffering is said to have a reward—joy. At times, I am conflicted, asking “Why would God give me the desire for something like marriage if He does not plan on granting it immediately…or ever? Why not take the desire away---why make me suffer in this way?” Here I take heart from Paul’s example in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, where he rejoices in his sufferings. While the circumstances were different, the principle applies the same. I don’t have to just cope with this desire, but can rejoice in my time of need—because I get to experience the sufficiency of grace.

4. What is the deepest challenge to you doing ministry unmarried?

I’d say the deepest challenge is facing the belief (internal or external) that, by being unmarried, I am disqualified from doing ministry in the first place! I’ve had 1 Timothy and Titus quoted to me (“husband of one wife”), stating I should not serve as a deacon or elder. I’ve heard pastors and seminary leaders say that single men are at greater risk of sexual immorality in ministry. (Sadly, I’ve known just as many or more married men fall into adultery.)

I’ve been blessed to serve in some safe and supportive places, among loving people, who understand that our Savior Jesus, and the first missionary Paul, were both single. Yet I’ve also faced harsh statement and closed doors based on being single and over 30, in ministry.

5. What is the richest blessing to you in your singleness today?

That I’m happy. I’m happy in God. That may sound simplistic, but after all the blogs, articles, commercials, books, movies, and even sermons telling me why I shouldn’t be happy as a single person, I find it a rich blessing that the Lord is true to His word—He gives a full joy (John 15:11; 16:24). Even single, I’ve never been alone. I live a rich, joy-filled life because of Jesus.