It is strange and comforting to me that the wild changes in my polarity and faith this year have really only magnified the unchangeableness of God. The more I change, the less I see Him changing.

That is not to say that what I see of him is not changing and being unveiled, I just mean that what I understand of Him and His character is solid, sustainable, true, good, faithful, long-suffering, and the list goes on. He is surprisingly trustworthy.

In my Christian faith there have always been some passages in the Bible that I got hung up on, those I scribbled question marks beside: how can God be who he says he is, and yet still be this? or say this? or do this? One of those passages was II Timothy 2:13: If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny himself.

Lately those question marks have been replaced with notes in my margins, commentary on these previously misunderstood passages.

I used to think that His faithfulness to me depended on my faithfulness to him and I didn't understand how the fact that He could not deny Himself had anything to do with denying me. Me is not Him.

But now I see that what Paul was saying to Timothy is this:

Listen, God is faithful to what He said, faithful to finish what He started, and faithful to communicate His character. What He is, He is. He cannot deny that any more than you can deny that you're a human and a sinner. You just are.

He knows that you're human and a sinner, obviously unfaithful and a lover of the flesh. He knows that and is not surprised by that.

So, He cannot deny His character and His 'ISness' and you cannot be faithful; therefore, He has to be faithful in the midst of your unfaithfulness. It isn't dependent on your faithfulness, but on the permanence and unchangeableness of his character.

If you had asked me a year ago what my biggest complaint about God was, my answer would have been quick and from the deepest part of me: He is not good.

And yet now His goodness is the most staggering adjective I can think of to describe His character. Good--a simple and concise word, but the word that encapsulates Him best. I think.

Because I no longer judge his goodness by my present circumstances or dependent on my personal goodness, I am consistently astounded at Him. I no longer fear my unfaithfulness because I know that I'm going to be unfaithful and He is not undone by that. In fact, He is that much more faithful toward me--toward teaching me and growing me into His likeness, no matter how long it takes.

I'm captivated by Him. Just Him. His character. His permanence and unchangeableness. His love for me. His faithfulness to me. His goodness toward me.