It is not lost on me that the last of the fruits of the spirit mentioned is self-control. What I didn't expect is that this would be the most difficult fruit for me to eat and also bear.
People are prone to affirmation when it comes to commentary on one's goodness or their kindness, but rarely do I hear someone say, "Wow, your self-control is really stellar. You've got it going on in that department."
Because you can't see my self-control unless I give you opportunity and opportunities like that are few. Before you can see me exercise my will power you have to know that there's a struggle of my wills.
And I don't let people see those things.
I wrote myself a note just to make sure I know how weak I am.
Oh, you know about my Lenten fasts and my coffee addiction and perhaps you're familiar with someone's tendencies to rage or their ego, but Lent is cool to celebrate and there's no way I can hide how very much I love coffee and all things coffee. But what about the things I do in secret? At home alone? In the car when someone cuts me off? That stuff is not cool to share and I hide it at all costs.
Self-preservation is also a way of self-control, did you know that? We preserve self by controlling self--by being in charge of our actions to the bitter end. I choose to fast coffee. I choose when to exhibit my road rage. I choose to whom and when I let my mouth run aimlessly. So I am still controlling self, but I am not bearing fruit.
These days I am thinking a lot (a lot a lot) about what compels me. Self-preservation has been the default mode for my entire life: how can I save self in this situation? How can I experience the least amount of pain and how can I control this situation in such a way that I will be seen as bearing fruit?
The more I experience the love of Christ, the more I find myself compelled by a different sort of control. And this is what I think Paul was talking about in Galations. He wasn't preaching a white-knuckled tumble into heaven, making it there on the merit of our good works and will-power. He was saying get the Spirit and you'll bear the fruit. Trees don't white knuckle their way into bearing fruit, the fruit is the natural effect of a healthy tree.
When Jesus said "I'm giving you the Holy Spirit and he'll guide you into all truth," he wasn't providing a warden to keep us in bounds. He was saying, "Hey, listen, all the truth is a lot of truth and I know you can't do it on your own. I don't want you to do it on your own. I want you to have a fully compelling, fully inhabitant spiritual force behind your every action. I want to give you something so that you're reminded that gritting your teeth and bearing it, doesn't produce lasting fruit."
There is nothing self-induced about self-control. There is nothing self-controlling about self-control.
There is life in the Spirit and a sweet surprising love that rises up within us and empowers us to do what is most natural to us: bear fruit.
day eight of 30 day challenge put down by one Jason Alan Churchill Thorburne Morris.