As I've walked through our house the past few weeks I've touched things and let go of things, asked myself the question "Do I need this?" And usually the answer is no, but sometimes the answer is "No, but I love it." And there the battle begins--I don't need it, but I love it, and how much do I love it and does that mean I ought to definitely keep it or definitely rid myself of it? (No one can accuse me of not putting enough thought into my actions...just saying is all.)
I haven't ever really gone deeper than want, need, love and do I have to? Today though, I looked at that table, the table I wanted for our front porch and found under an antique dealer's pile of junk and gave him forty bucks for, and I said to myself "What's the root of wanting to keep that table?" And the root was fear, surprisingly. Fear that I'd never find another table just like that (likely), or that I'd never find another sort of table like it, but as cheap (unlikely), or that by getting rid of the table I would be tableless for the rest of my life (very unlikely). Once I got here it was easy to decide, nope, not keeping the table.
See, a few weeks ago I sat in the living room of a family I love and they talked to me about loving things more than God. And, while I pride myself on being very unattached to material things, I realized I've let the fear of not having things overtake the fear of not loving God--I've been more consumed with building a home, than being a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, more desirous of beautiful colors, than appreciating the master creator, and more attached to my savings account balance than to a great provider. It's a sneakier thing than I think and every day I'm more and more struck by my attachments. I feel in some ways like this season is a season of shedding skin, ideas, things, dreams, all the things that have crowded out Just Jesus.
So, anybody want a hardwood pedestal table?
2 comments:
Wow ... we need to talk! Remember when we lived in the lovely farm house? Remember when we moved out just 6 months later? I was so angry with God for YET another move. Turns out the problem was me (go figure!). I'm continually amazed at how your words bring me back to myself several years earlier.
All my pack-rat/hoarding tendencies are rooted in distrust - that God wouldn't take care of my tomorrows - so I'm left to myself to take care of tomorrow. Which is absolutely ridiculous when I finally sit down and think about what I'm doing!
So, yeah. I hear ya.
Ha! Loved this then, and now again. When I first arrived here, I came with a moving truck full of accumulated "stuff".... 25 years of stuff. Remember Jacqs? You helped pack it. Nope, I thought...just couldn't leave it behind. Silly, stubborn me...
Turns out, I didn't need any of it. Turns out, every bit of it from sofas to silverware, bookshelves to a baby crib, pots, pans and pictures.... All of it ended up in someone elses home, someone who lost everything in a hurricane. Someone who had nothing. Good thing God knew that all along. He took my stubborness and gave them their tomorrows.
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