There were tears to be had this morning. Suffering is close and our hearts wrap around it, welcome it, the answer is to comfort; the answer is to condition; the answer is to confront. We all answer accordingly.

I feel the judgment yesterday, I hear it in his words, coarse, sarcastic. I hear it in her comment, it sears across my mind and I don't know what to do with it. Forgiveness is easy, it's figuring how that looks that's hard. There are totem poles of history, priorities of piety and preciousness: these are the things we hold dear and the gospel does not top the carved teller when we want our story to be heard so badly.

My heart is grieved--the gospel does not top my list. I concern myself with things of this world, pleasure and recourse, provision and appearances. I am obsessed with the front that's shown. I cry this morning, across from her (with her there is no front, there is only a face and a bared heart). I weep because we, ourselves, I, me, we meet felt needs thinking that the gospel will eventually come through, crossing our fingers for salvation, a wing and a prayer. But shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't the gospel be first as we give cups of cold water, rides to and from, and our testimony?

Shouldn't the gospel be first?

We are listening to this song twice, "Your fingers reach around the bone, you set the break and set the tone." Isn't to set the tone to show how it's done, gospel first, all else second? Coming so small, so holy, so discarded, and waiting 30 years and His lifetime to do the first of so few miracles. Meeting needs is only a comfort, a condition and a confrontation of all that's wrong in the world. But He didn't set the break and set the tone to show us how to right what's wrong with the world, He reached around and did it a different way--He righted it for us.

We talked long last night and I drove home with one constant thought: Thank you God. For doing it for us. For me. I have climbed to the top of the totem pole, set myself atop ideals, easy fixes, and misplaced priorities, and still been further from Heaven than before.

The answer is the gospel.