I talk big, I know. I talk about vision and life and purpose and the kingdom, I know. But my life is small, it is. It is filled with small things done in succession, rudimentary living done as right as I can, but still so small when the world only seems to get bigger.

I am talking to the girl across from me, but really I'm just asking a question that we all have at one point: Is it just me? Did I miss the time when all of this stopped being important and we moved on to bigger and better things? Because, to me, it's still a big enough thing. Which makes me feel smaller than the rest of the world, as though they've got some corner on the market, some hotline to God and government and I'm only riding on their tailwind.

The thing I've been realizing in the past few days is that to get vision we have to lose sight of everything else.

I gave all the keys to my kingdoms to that same girl and am hiding out in safe places, places where I won't be touched by the seemingly big things, big ideas, big talk. Because right now I need small things. I need a God so small that he fills the end of the telescope through which I look, determined to see nothing but Him. I need a God who teaches me the small things again because the big things aren't really that important anyway. We're going to heaven, we already know that. We just need to know the way.

So here is the way, right now: the way is to pursue undistractedness. Even the good things must pale in comparison to Him. I remember a few years ago when we were all passionate about undistracted devotion, when a lifetime of celibacy looked appealing because none of us were married and all of us could. It is tempting now to think, like Elijah on the mountain, that I alone am left and that that changes things. But it doesn't.

The unmarried person is concerned with the things of the Lord, how they may please Him.

I am more concerned with my life, however small, than I am captivated by Him. Will I ever own nice pots and pans? Will I ever feel settled down? Will I ever have a best friend? Will I ever be someone's best friend? Will I always be found lacking or will my cup ever overflow? These are the questions that distract me. These are what I am wrestling to lose sight of. These are peripheral concerns:

I want to see only One.