We talked long last night. Wet and sore and spent. Him and him and her and me. And a sleeping other.
Why do we love God? she asked. And we all had our answers, because He first loved us, because without Him we're nothing, because we should, because there isn't anything better, because...
I had confessed to her earlier, though, on some trail in the foothills, that I love God but sometimes I don't trust Him. And that's the truth. So when I answered later, "Because there isn't anything better than Him." I meant that. I did. I'm not one of those Count Your Blessings Name Them One by One sort of Christians whose love is hinged on good things versus bad. I've tried the scale method. It doesn't work. It doesn't.
Because regardless of the weight of good things on one side, something heavier will fall, death, divorce, being left, disappointment, on the other side. And the scales will crumble. But He doesn't. Things do, but not Him.
And there are things weighing heavily on the scales, it doesn't take a conversation or ten to realize that. We are shaken from every side, tossed around and given opportunity to be glad or grumble. But we are confident of this one thing:
He out-weighs them all.
3 comments:
Indeed He does.
It takes a lot of guts to say that you love God but sometimes don't trust Him. I feel that sometimes, too. But I don't think I could ever admit it to myself, much less others.
Guess that doesn't say much about me, does it?
I believe that God handles our doubts much better than we do. In the end, it's all about confessing what is real (to us) to Him (no masks). It's when we get to than level of transparency before Him that He begins to change our reality.
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