This time last year:
February 2 2004
so i'm ready to confess. tell all. let it all spill.
i miss home. i miss it desperately. i miss it more than i have ever missed or loved anything before.
i miss my church. i miss my church family. i miss my dad. i miss my mom. i miss my best friends in the world. the daily emails from them keep my head above water. i missed the death of my brothers dog the week i came, and i don't even like dogs. i miss italian water ice and i miss fugi apples.
i miss worshiping in a corporate setting. sometimes i dream about it. i miss hearing my pastor exhort. i miss my friendship clubhouse kids. i miss the church offices, cold and energizing. i miss home, with all it's realities of life and shaping of character.
i miss driving. i miss the fields. i miss chai. i miss joshua's birthday tomorrow and i miss three more birthdays this month. i miss hearing the piano practiced all day. i miss black beans the way we make them. i miss sleepytime tea and i miss the two friends who liked it best with me. i miss julia in the front room, her hair falling over her forehead. i miss merrick and i miss that thing you do. i miss aaron learning to read. i miss benji dancing to riverdance.
i miss our joint quiet times. i miss hossmer hall and a grand piano. i miss five hundred blue chairs and only me sitting in them. i miss you playing that grand piano. i miss you.
i miss sergies pizza and marks apartment. i miss ryan being in potsdam and i miss danny coming over for pasta. i miss being hugged by claire and i miss sitting on louissa's bed. i miss talking to carina in the bathroom and even miss the banging of the washer against my bedroom wall.
i miss poker games in the kitchen and joe and rachel. i miss being scum all the time. and i miss jamie.
i miss laughing really hard about something and not having to re-explain it very slowly. i miss not being watched very closely. i miss my doc martens and i miss blueberry muffins.
but i don't think i'd miss out on this opportunity for the world.
And now, a year later, I find the only thing I was truly missing was the Lord.
