I'm making progress. I didn't think it would ever happen, but it is. And I am. Different measures then perhaps I thought in the first. But like a friend says, make plans, but hope in God. I made plans, but nothing changes my will so quickly as a realization of His will, whether I like it or not.

I guess that when put together, all the things I thought were measured and quartered in perfect sections, dolled out in specific increments and, when completed, equaled my life in a nutshell, were only opaque drops of nothingness. Only my thoughts. Nothing important. Nothing coherent. Nothing special. Just things rolling around in the head of a human.

Simplicity and silence is what calls me, the light at the end of a nonexistent tunnel, but the tunnel is filled with things which must be accomplished before I can even see the gap closing between me and those things. I always think that the next real part of my life must begin somewhere, perhaps next week. Each new day says glumly by my side, 'maybe today, but probably not'. I remind myself of my two favorite fiction characters, Puddleglum and Eyore. [Shouldn't I begin to wonder when those are my two hero's?] But then something happens, maybe a sunny day or a recovered twenty dollar bill left in my last years jacket and I think, 'NOW, I am on my way to something. NOW I am going somewhere. Now. I. Am.'

And those fateful words I Am, uttered by Someone Else means that I am going somewhere, but from my mouth only means that I have, once again, come to the end of myself. Once again, stubbornness and plagiarized authority remain my stead. Pride and prejudices are my weapons. Fortitude and favor are my lots. And once again, I end. I'm done. I finish. I lose. I stop. Finding that nothing can keep me going. Nothing can make me go on. Nothing can make the beginning begin. Nothing can make the end shorter. Nothing. Because my hope hasn't been in Him. My hope has rested on a false sense of security and a cheap imitation of unlimited grace.

I limit myself by thinking I can do it myself;

When He says, 'let Me do it for you.