Some notes I knotted down at the concert tonight. See if I can do justice to any.

Pay at the door.
Mormans.
Sinless by choice.
Vulnerability.

Not necessarily in that order, but one lines to remind me later of my at the time thoughts.

SINLESS BY CHOICE
On the way there Jax was sharing a concern of hers, and while she usually is the one giving advice to my listening ear, tonight we switched at her request, 'I'm tired of always being the talkative one, speak to me. Speak into me.' And so I did. My concern for her situation was not the normalities of what crushing on a boy does for you, although that is certainly a concern, but more so how crushing on a boy is only a surface issue of a much deeper need. Sin. I was reminded of my virtually sinless friend whom will remain unamed for this post and whom I have been thinking quite a lot of recently. Not because he's perfect, but because somewhere along the way, and it may not have been an overnight change, but somewhere he made a decision. A choice to remain as free from sin and as committed to a life of Christ as he could, without becoming legalistic. And he has done it. I have never once heard a complaint, an angry word, a gossiping spirit, even a single word spoken in frustration toward anyone. Never. Oh, it's not that he's perfect. No. It's just that he has realized the value in living a life that is consecrated to Christ. He's not in it to look good, no, he's past that. He has come to the point of realizing his sinfullness, knowing there is nothing he can do about changing his status quo as a sinner, and yet knowing he can change his attitude about the daily things of life. Oh, he struggles, I know. But there is a visable difference in his life.

So today at the lunch table I made a rash comment about wishing I was as good as this guy. I caught myself from my next comment though. It was this, wishing I was as anointed as him. No, no. He has something yes, but not simply anointing, he has faith. He has faith that no matter what the situation, he always has a choice in how to handle it. React and he'll end up repenting, but remain neutral and he has won before the battle has begun.

My counsel to Jax wasn't to forget about the boy, or to consider her future husband, or even just hope it will eventually go away, but no, my counsel was to make a decision, daily if need be. But make a decision to come up higher in her life. No, she won't be void of sin, but she will see sin for what it is when it is present in her life.

And so once again I am reminded of my own lack in this area. So sinful and yet not committed to any sort of betterment for myself in this area. I treat sin as if it weren't some black death. As if it were just a simple untimely inconveience.

SINLESS BY CHOICE II: Pay at the Door
TOnight we went to The Fields to hear Josh and his birth father do an ethnic concert. Josh of course on percussion, and his father on ethnic pipes of all kinds. We entered in the back door, ordered and paid for our iced chai and found a table somewhat close to the stage. Once there and waiting for Josh and D to arrive Jax happened to see a sign by the door that demanded an ungodly price of 10 dollars for the concert tonight. She grumbled and complained saying we tour with Josh for petes sake, we're not paying ten bucks to hear him play, no matter HOW good he is [which is darn good, I may add]. After about four minutes of sitting there I began to feel a pit in my stomach, knowing that we ought to pay and yet knowing I had not the funds nor the desire to leave our table and get a ticket from Justin at the door. After much squirming and seeing my eyes move cautiously back adn forth to the door and the stage jax finally said, 'Go. You're feeling guilty about not paying and I don't want you to go against your conscience. Go. We'll find you afterwards.' But I didn't. I didn't. I just sat there and made the decision to go against my conscience and sat there and sinned. Of course I felt horribly guilty about it, even after Josh cam
e and hung out with us later and made sure none of us paid to get in 'Why that would be OBSURD!!!' But even though my counsel to jax had just been to make a decision to live a sinfree life, I sat and sinned.

This just reminded me once again, how it is not a one time decision, but one which I have to make over and over and over, until I am even released of one vice.

MORMANS
This is not a long one hopefully. Actually, it's more a question.
In the past few weeks I have been in more places where two young men, usually quite goodlooking, in their black pants and white cotton shirts stand trying to convince someone to convert to their faith, than in my entire life. Although I think that is a bit of an exaggeration, as I think I just am noticing them since I've been thinking about this subject. My question is this: what is it about the Morman faith that so captures the hearts of their young men and turns them into commited missionaries, enough to fill a town our size with at least four different pairs? What captures them? what do they have that we don't?

And than I remember. We have fear. The devil finds no need to discourage them from the mission, their mission is one that he invented with his own two hands, but we. Yes we. We have a mission that he fights with every ounce of his being, every bit of his strength. We are burdened by a bondage of fear - fear which they, well, they can't even know the beginning of.

VULNERABILITY
Also hopefully a short one.

I was people watching as usual tonight and as I looked around the room I found so many people, comfortable sometimes to the point of sleep [the music was very soothing at times, other times it was, mmmmm, definetely ethnic dancing music!], some just nodding their heads or tapping their hands to the beat of the djembes and congas - or the lulling sound of a bamboo whistle causing their eyes to close, whether in sleep or simply calm I don't know. I only know that when i am there, in that dimly lit room, roofed in ivy and blue blown glass balls I find a degree of vulnerability there that is unlikely to be seen anywhere else near me. I like that.